Perfection is the Enemy of Done
The virtue of humility can help conquer perfection and the procrastination that follows. This, in turn, frees us from the bonds that keep us tethered to our sense of accomplishment being the measure of our worth. “If a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing badly.” GK Chesterton
The bathroom was the perfect escape. The kids were young, the house was a mess, and—as usual—I had a huge to-do list. Looking for a way to avoid it all for a few minutes, I closed the door.
Only to notice the toilet needed cleaning. Glancing around, I realized the whole bathroom could use a scrub. But I had other priorities and didn’t have time to perfectly clean the entire thing right then. So, I made a mental note to add it to the to-do list… for later, when I would have time.
Walking out, I forgot all about it. Until the next time, that is.
You see, it didn’t even occur to me to just clean the toilet. That little task would’ve taken 54 seconds (I actually timed it later!). But in my head, if the toilet was dirty, the whole bathroom had to be cleaned. And if I couldn’t do it completely… I just wouldn’t do it then. I would do it later. When I had time.
If I couldn’t do it properly I just wouldn’t do it.
This became a mantra in my early years of motherhood. If I noticed the kitchen floor was dirty, I felt like I had to sweep, vacuum, and mop. Every. Single. Time. Because that was the “right” way. And if I couldn’t do it properly…I just wouldn’t do it. At least not yet.
Looking around at all the undone things would begin a slow spiral of shame. I would condemn myself a failure. “I am a terrible housekeeper,” would turn into, “I’m a terrible mom.” This would quickly become, “No one could possibly love me because I’m so awful.” And then: “How did I ever think I could be a stay-at-home mom? I should just go back to work.” But even if I went back to work, I’d still have to do the housework. So, then I’d have that work… plus work-work.
“Why bother?” I’d think, depressed and overwhelmed, as I plopped down on the couch with a box of cookies and ignored everything.
All of this because I realized the toilet was dirty…and I didn’t take 54 seconds to clean it.
Why did I think like this?
At what point did I start measuring my value by how well I kept the house?
Did I think my husband would love me more if everything sparkled?
Would my kids respect me more?
Was this the standard I believed I had to meet in order to be worthy of love?
Perfection is the enemy of done.
My husband is a runner. Every year, he creates a highlight video of all his races and weekend runs to share with his running group at our annual Christmas party. He loves finding motivational quotes to include, and one year, this one showed up and stuck: Perfection is the enemy of done. He started drilling that phrase into all of us.
I had never really considered that perfection could be the enemy. When we keep putting things off, waiting until we can do them perfectly… they never get done.
Perfection is the perfect excuse for procrastination. And the perfect invitation to self-criticism.
So what do we do?
It wasn’t until recently that I found an answer. It’s hidden in a virtue I’ve been spending a lot of time with lately:
Humility. I heard a priest say recently, “Humility is knowing how much God loves you.”
If that’s true—then all the pressure we put on ourselves is off base. Everything we think we should “be” or “do” is distorted. Every opinion we think others have of us is meaningless. What does matter is what God thinks.
And He loves us. Exactly as we are. Today.
He’s not waiting for our homes to be spotless. He’s not waiting for our to-do lists to be completely checked off. And I don’t really think He is too concerned about my toilet. He’s proud of us and delighted in the little things we do—even when they’re not done perfectly.
Here are some new questions to ask ourselves:
Where are we looking for approval?
Where are we looking for love? accomplishment? Worth?
If the answer lies anywhere outside of God, then no wonder we feel like we can never do enough. Is it any surprise that we run ourselves ragged or collapse in overwhelm? We must let go of the lie that if I can’t do it to perfections, we shouldn’t do it at all.
“If a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing badly.” GK Chesterton
We have to learn to be okay with doing things badly, to risk making a fool of ourselves, to accept that not everyone will love us, or if they do, not in the ways we seek. Sometimes this means the people we love most. But we can know that God loves us because he says so: “I have loved you with an everlasting love and so I still maintain my faithful love for you” (Jeremiah 31:3) If we can accept this, then the rest will fall into place.
I am enough. And so are you.
Now I think I will go clean that toilet.
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Love, Margaret
