Marriage Book Review: Blessed is the Day “We Got it Wrong”
In my faith-based book review on marriage: Blessed is the Day “We Got it Wrong” by Costanza Mirianois is not your typical Guide to Marriage Renewal. This book is filled with stories of everyday hidden struggles many of us live in our own marriages. It does not preach.
Rather, this book enters in to our daily reality, seeing us where we currently are, helping us calm down, gain a fresh perspective and realize our current difficulty is not the end of the world.
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Costanza Miriano, in her whimsical writing style with relatable stories, coaches us to keep our gaze on Christ. Even if she goes off track a time or two, she ultimately brings the train into the station with each chapter loaded with gold. You will want to have your highlighter ready to grab those nuggets for future review and reflection!
“At home you share everything, the masks come off, and living so close together throws your faults right in your face. That is the only time a miracle can happen.”
She says family is the perfect place to grow in holiness because in every other relationship we can easily walk away. Therefore, it is not the idiotic things our family members do to us, but rather our reaction to those idiotic things that get us to Heaven.
“Why Stay Married if… (fill in the blank)”
The main chapters seek to answer this question. This “blank” includes ideas such as not loving each other, bedroom challenges, infidelity, communication and growing apart. She offers practical ways in order to move through many of the hard times of marriage, not allowing any of us to indulge in the self-pity or victimhood we all feel during difficult moments in marriage. Instead, she empowers us by giving us tools to grab on to.
Marriage is our Pathway to Heaven
Costanza tells us our marriage is our way to get to heaven. While I have always prided myself on efforts to get my husband to heaven, I now see how he is the one getting me there!
Lamenting how my prayers for him don’t seem to work, I now see that his less exuberant outward show of faith tempers me, softens my edges, makes me less judgmental, and helps me see different sides of any situation. Realizing in my own efforts to forgive him, I never considered how often he forgives me! When I fall short, his forgiveness allows me the space to improve. His calm way gives me the opportunities to grow in virtue in a safe place.
Costanza also discusses communion with our husbands as the most important thing. We are wives — before being moms. And when we have children, an intact marriage is crucial for them. She confirms my own belief when she says, “no amount of fighting is worse than divorce.”
The Key to Staying Married: STAY!
Through some of our biggest challenges over the last 32 years in our marriage, we each refused to leave. Neither of us even so much as gave up the bed to sleep on the couch. Admittedly, I did get tempted to run away a few times, but my stubbornness won out.
Eventually, the heat of emotion passes and the repetition of life wins out. We find our way through the sludge and years later wonder, “What was I mad about again?”
In the meantime, I recommend during times of sludge to grab a copy of Blessed is the Day “We got it Wrong”, a highlighter and your coffee. Treat yourself to a fresh perspective and a smile. The world will not end. And neither will your marriage.
I hope you have enjoyed my faith-based book review on marriage: Blessed is the Day “We Got it Wrong” . Read more about staying married in Lessons I Learned About Marriage from Scrabble: Play the Tiles You Have.
